Men, for the most part, do not like to shop. They swear by: go to store, pick up item, pay and leave. Of course there are those metrosexual types out there and trust me when I say their good taste in wardrobe and accessorizing is appreciated and admired. The manly man, the outdoorsman, usually does not like to be inside where clothing and do-dads are for sale unless there is a conquest of killing a wild animal for food while they're there or proving their muscular capabilities of lifting, adjusting or fixing something that's broken.
Unless these men go to an outdoorsy-type store. Then they go all female-shopper. And it's a hoot to watch.
Now I've spent a fair amount of time in stores since I was once in retail. I currently assist in upholding our economy with the contents of my wallet (go USA!). And I'm observant. I've seen the women perusing and daydreaming, mixing and matching items in their heads. Will this cover my arm flab? I wonder if my coworker has the same dress. Will it still fit if I eat dessert? It's sheer material, what if I need a jacket? Their counterparts look pained, apprehensive and nervous (hello bra section!) or downright bored. As if doing anything else, anything, would be better than shadowing their love while they hmm and haw over an errand that can be done within a matter of minutes. When two men make eye contact in a department store there's an instant of immediate sympathy and understanding that is transmitted, but not spoken.
"She got you too? I'm sorry for you man. Walking on coals would be better. I manned up but it's not without difficulty, dude."
I try very hard not to subject my husband to such forms of abuse and torture. There are times he offers to come with and although the company is wonderful, the excursion usually isn't. It's downright pressured and tense. I'm sure a lot of women agree. I can almost hear the internal dialogue as the men watch their women, willing them to buy the first thing they pick up so they can get the heck out of dodge.
"Is she going to buy that? She's not serious is she? Because she's picked it up twice now and we're still not at the register. Why did she hold it out and hold it up and then walk away? Are we ever going to leave? We've been looking at the same shirt for 10 minutes!! Can't she decide on a color so we can get back home before the game starts????"
Disclaimer: This is not in any way what my loving spouse would be doing or thinking, er, at all. Ever.
So the funny thing is when they find their nirvana (Bass Pro Shop, Gander Mountain, Dicks) all that whiny whine whydowehavetogoshopping stuff completely disappears. I've watched and I've seen it in action. Men, walking around a rack of ballcaps or hunting pants, dazed. Round and around they go, mouth slightly slack, eyes alight with possibilities as they hmm and haw about which would be best. Realtree Hardwoods or Mossy Oak camouflage pattern for that coat? Hmm...will I be hunting early season or late? Ugh not this one, the tree stand by the pines will so totally clash with this. Oh this one has pockets and zippers, but this one is waterproof and has a descentable liner (I don't know if those exist, I think I just made it up). Decisions, decisions.
Sound familiar? Yes, the glazed and dazed affect. Have a fisherman approach the small grocery store size of the fishing lures section makes them stop in their tracks. Their brains are overwhelmed so much they short out. They may need more time in the store. Women in tow see other women and think right back them:
"You poor thing, did he say he was going to take you someplace fun? Yeah, mine, too. Sheesh, this is taking a long time and this stuff is sooo boring. Good thing I never do this to him."