Trying to maintain an 'acceptable' average of blood sugars (A1C) is difficult for anyone, let alone a hormonal daughter who has issues (unfounded) with dropping too low.
What to do about a kid who purposefully sabotages her own numbers (fudging the math, the carb count, the food eaten)? I'm at a loss.
Sure, you could say I micromanage. Yeah, I need to in my family. Details are everything here. Were there nuts in that cereal? How hard did he hit his head? Is it a medicine day for the bleeding disorder? Have I reordered supplies? Why are you so freaked out about that headache? It's not a brain tumor. Oh my life. Ha! You should see what I pack for a day trip. My purse rivals a debutante's preparation for her sweet 16.
So worry is a shadow that follows me everywhere, slithering in the corners of my every move-even on sunny days as I see other people laugh and play. They don't have these heavy concerns.
But Diabetes can be dangerous. Lows are the most serious. And sometimes she's all over the place. I don't sleep well at night as the shadow follows me into my dreams where I don't relax until I know she wakes up in the morning. How many parents worry about that?
I can manage the algorhythm and formula. I can manage the needles and insulin. I can lead the proverbial horse to water but I can't make it honest with itself.
I know eventually the kids will be self sufficient and these issues will be out of my hands. That scares me even more. What?? They'll be doing everything without, gulp, supervision? Ah, no, I think I'll be mom even longer. Sure, stamp my ticket, sign me up.
There are times I just want to throw the towel in and give up. Since trying, educating and worrying isn't working. I think I'm thin because of all the energy I expend spinning in circles that get me nowhere. But then that stubborn (I prefer tenacious) part of my being that refuses to let anything get the better of me rears its head and I'm pushing on, starting over, adjusting my game plan. Ok, let's monitor this better, let's double check figures. Today's am number was 166. Small victory, yah! And I continue on with my day...